as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
