he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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