It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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