I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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