marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
