One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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