Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
