So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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