He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
