Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
