I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
