i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
time to smoke my breakfast
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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