I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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