Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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