from now on my penis is your penis
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
