So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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