My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
