So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
