Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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