When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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