If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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