I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
