I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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