my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
