Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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