ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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