how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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