I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
