he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
40s are totally the cure
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
