i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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