sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
nutella sex= disaster
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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