saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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