I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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