Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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