you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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