She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
