I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
