I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
