drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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