Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
