Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
