Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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