He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
