you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
