I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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