Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
