This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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