I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
