I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
