I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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