carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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