You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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