im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
