it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
