She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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