I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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