dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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