I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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