he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we're making bets on your personal life
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
