what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
