Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
