He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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