you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
