Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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