They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
