i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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