last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
