A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
