can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
