I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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