Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
