nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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