Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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