the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
